Doing Better

I am out of hospital now and off olanzapine, but on haloperidol.  Haloperidol has been amazing so far, it steamrollered my mood, but the voices are almost gone and I can understand the Signs for what they are – mere coincidence.  I still feel like they’re messages for me a bit, but I can shake that off.

I feel a bit depressed.  It’s not a massive low, just plodding along a bit.  It’s a shame, but at least I’m sort of functioning; back to cooking and washing myself.  Husband and I even finally got round to changing our bedding.

The things I’m struggling with the most are based around trying to understand what reality is again, re-grounding myself in this reality.  I was so very very high and confused and mad, for lack of a better word.  I filled an entire sketchbook with doodles and scraps of text from my brain and from the voices.  I’m not ready to read it back through yet, but I will.  I still want to hide away from the world, people are still a bit intense and demanding.

I don’t really know what I’m being treated for, well psychosis I suppose, but I don’t know my diagnosis anymore.  Bipolar doesn’t entirely fit.  I’m supposed to be seeing my care coordinator from way way back, but I don’t think she’s phoned yet.  I keep having to go out.  I went across to uni today for the first seminar of the academic year; this year looks like it’s going to be so much fun.  Fingers crossed I can stay sane.

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