I am out of hospital now and off olanzapine, but on haloperidol. Haloperidol has been amazing so far, it steamrollered my mood, but the voices are almost gone and I can understand the Signs for what they are – mere coincidence. I still feel like they’re messages for me a bit, but I can shake that off.
I feel a bit depressed. It’s not a massive low, just plodding along a bit. It’s a shame, but at least I’m sort of functioning; back to cooking and washing myself. Husband and I even finally got round to changing our bedding.
The things I’m struggling with the most are based around trying to understand what reality is again, re-grounding myself in this reality. I was so very very high and confused and mad, for lack of a better word. I filled an entire sketchbook with doodles and scraps of text from my brain and from the voices. I’m not ready to read it back through yet, but I will. I still want to hide away from the world, people are still a bit intense and demanding.
I don’t really know what I’m being treated for, well psychosis I suppose, but I don’t know my diagnosis anymore. Bipolar doesn’t entirely fit. I’m supposed to be seeing my care coordinator from way way back, but I don’t think she’s phoned yet. I keep having to go out. I went across to uni today for the first seminar of the academic year; this year looks like it’s going to be so much fun. Fingers crossed I can stay sane.