Husband wants me to phone the CMHT tomorrow, today, as every day. But what do I say? Hi, I sort of want to top myself, what can you do? Oh well, distract yourself, any immediate plans? No? Okay phone if you need to. Seriously? That’s why I’m phoning now – I don’t want to get to crisis point. I’ve already done the things I know to do. I don’t know what you could do because you’ve already said it all too. I’m stuck. I’m not in crisis, nor am I well. What do I do? The lady who may or may not be my CPN is meant to have spoken to the consultant about my meds. I’m wondering if a higher dose of duloxetine will help. I think I’ve said this before. I have no memory of happy anymore. I miss it. I even miss being manic in a way. At least there was always stuff to do. I’m at a loss now.
Early bed every night. I start getting sleepy at about 7pm and hang on until half eight. There’s no point being awake, too painful, and no point in speeding up the coming of tomorrow.
I just want it over.