Catch 22

Husband wants me to phone the CMHT tomorrow, today, as every day. But what do I say? Hi, I sort of want to top myself, what can you do? Oh well, distract yourself, any immediate plans? No? Okay phone if you need to. Seriously? That’s why I’m phoning now – I don’t want to get to crisis point. I’ve already done the things I know to do. I don’t know what you could do because you’ve already said it all too. I’m stuck. I’m not in crisis, nor am I well. What do I do? The lady who may or may not be my CPN is meant to have spoken to the consultant about my meds. I’m wondering if a higher dose of duloxetine will help. I think I’ve said this before. I have no memory of happy anymore. I miss it. I even miss being manic in a way. At least there was always stuff to do. I’m at a loss now.

Early bed every night. I start getting sleepy at about 7pm and hang on until half eight. There’s no point being awake, too painful, and no point in speeding up the coming of tomorrow.

I just want it over.


4 thoughts on “Catch 22

  1. Tisnt just you hun, been trying to get hold of my cc for 16days now the crisis has come, gone and back again. Been told won’t get to see consultant/phych till Dec earliest.
    The state of MH services here, could quite literally kill.
    Stay strong, im only a tweet away if you need nething

    • Saw CPN today, she’s leaving for a new job, so I have another new one. Seems nice. I’m meant to be thinking about how they can help. She’d asked the pdoc about meds, he wants to leave it a bit longer. All fun here.

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