CPN#4 Already

Today was CPN day.  She is leaving for another job, so I met CPN#4.  She seems nice.  They talked at me, I gave monosyllabic answers.  I’m to think about what they can do to help me over the next week so that come next Friday, we can talk about that.

They still want to increase meds, the psychiatrist says no for the moment – wait and see.  In the meantime it’s hell for me. What am I meant to do with myself?  Fortunately the akathisia seems to have dropped off, just out of the blue, but certainly no complaints about its disappearance.  The less side effects, the more tolerant I’ll be of them.  I was seriously considering coming off the haloperidol just because I couldn’t imagine being that restless forever.  Especially after the psychiatrist said leave the duloxetine as it is.  It’s not like I have any PRN I can take.  Although I did take an extra procyclidine a couple of times – only when I was pacing the hallway at 3am and tearing my hair out.  I dare not take extra haloperidol in case I sleep forever, or in case it makes the akathisia come back.  I’m terrified of that.

I keep dreaming these horrible intense dreams, ever since starting haloperidol.  They’re exhausting.  I wake up tired and disorientated.  I keep forgetting to eat; I have very little appetite until the evening when I suddenly realise I’m hugely hungry and end up wolfing down a large plate of pasta.  It can’t be good for me.

So that’s enough complaining for now.  In more positive news, everything else is fine.  I have a lovely husband, a wonderful family and excellent friends.  I’m visiting my best friend in a week, which will be the first time I’ve seen her in a couple of months as she lives about a four hour drive/train away.  She doesn’t mind if I’m miserable and is amazing at distracting me, so I’m looking forward to the break.  She’s got two lovely labs.  I don’t normally like dogs, but hers are nice, more like giant cats.

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