Full Circle

It seems I’ve come full circle. I am well. I still feel like I’m walking a knife edge, but like as not that’s just because I’m so used to it. All the same, there’s no harm in being aware.

There a few things that are worrying me – slight amounts of headnoise (although not nearly at Voices level of coherence), cleaning products smelling of beer, and some slight bouncing around the house. Also an accumulation of projects. It’s nothing major, and nothing that really amounts to anything. It’s essentially a point in a cycle I go through with every episode.

I am currently at the “I don’t need these meds” stage of my mental health, and so I’m in a position to break this cycle.

TheCycleIt seems that there are really two things I need to do: take the stupid drugs and avoid triggers. Easier said than done! I know what my triggers are and usually I can avoid them.

  • Lack of sleep
  • Too much sleep
  • Broken sleep
  • Reading too much about physics
  • Too many projects
  • Antidepressants
  • Physical illness

This last one is the main problem. I can mostly avoid sleep issues, with the addition of sleeping pills if absolutely necessary. I can choose not to read about, or watch documentaries on physics (as long as I haven’t got so far into an episode that I can’t not read about it). I can choose to focus on fewer projects and let the others be for a while. It’s harder to avoid physical illness. I can’t choose not to catch a cold. It doesn’t work like that. Even good physical health doesn’t preclude all physical illness.

What I can do is be aware that I am now getting over a cold, and headnoise is appearing as well as requests from Husband and family that I “calm down” or “stop bouncing around”. At this point if I make a concious effort, I can be calm, I can settle to tasks and complete tasks. The moment I stop making that concious effort, it creeps up on me and I bounce around again.

So on my keeping well list:

  • Don’t have a long to do list
  • Watch for loss of control – increase meds if necessary
  • Avoid physics
  • Avoid antidepressants
  • Sleep well
  • Be extra aware following colds, etc.
  • And just in case, avoid stress

I am doing all these things, and my family and friends are always alert to my mood/thoughts (a blessing and a curse – sometimes they overreact). So if things get worse I’ve done what I can do by myself and I have to remember: it’s okay to ask for help!

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One thought on “Full Circle

  1. Pingback: Warning Signs | The Song Thrush

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